Round and Round She Goes...

...where she'll stop, nobody knows!

So I haven't written in a while, and I apologize for that. I have no excuse as to why besides I just didn't think about it. So here's the haps:
I had another weigh-in day (this past Wednesday) and I was down one more pound. YAY! Of course, me being me, it's just not coming off fast enough. I have to keep reminding myself that with how I am eating (better than I used to, but not as good and disciplined as I could be) and how I am only exercising three days a week... one pound per week is pretty good! Now, you would think that seeing a steady - albeit slow - decline in pounds and inches would keep me up and motivated and maybe even inspiried to get a bit strickter with myself.

Kind of.

This past Thursday I had a bad day. There are a lot of things going on in my and my family's lives right now that are stressing me out a bit, and apparently Thursday it all came to a head (mentally, anyway). I was feeling very restricted in every aspect, very boxed in. So I said (almost out loud), "EFF IT!" and I ate however and whatever I wanted to. The day had started out fine enough... except the knowledge floating around in my head that I had consumed a cheeseburger and 10 chicken nuggets from BK the night before as a "midnight snack". First boo. So I had my regular apple and two pieces of light wheat toast with "butter", and a poor man's mocha (coffee, no sugar added cocoa packet, a couple tsp of cream). As lunch grew closer, that's when I started having a real mental war and the feelings of uber-restriction started seeping in. Lunch was two beef hotdogs in natural casing; complete with buns, ketchup, and diced onions. Then I had a bowl of tortilla chips, two cans of Dr. Pepper, and a whole wheat tortilla filled with two slices of pepperjack cheese, canned chicken, and black olive slices. Dinner was three bowls of macaroni noodles (regular, not whole wheat like usual) with butter and Parmesan. I think there may have been a piece or two of chocolate involved, and maybe some milk. I went to bed that night feeling just awful and mad at myself.

I woke up Friday and almost didn't make it to Spin. I woke up in time, sure, but the mental war was still waging. I was tired, I was still upset with my behavior the previous day, and I still had some "eff it" in me. But finally I kicked my own butt and went to Spin. Let me tell you - it was like peddling through molasses in January! I was so tired, so sluggish, my breathing was harder than it usually is... and I'm sure it was all a result of the stupidity of food intake from Thursday. There was even a point when class was about half over and I thought to myself, "Okay. It's 6:20 now, I'm going to leave just a little early. At 6:30. I just can't do it this morning." I got so far as to slow my cadence down to bring my heart rate down... and then I said to myself (outloud, hilariously, but the music was so loud and the instructor was telling us our next moves so I don't think anyone actually heard me), "JUST F***ING STAY, DANGIT!" And I did! I stuck out the whole hour and felt a bit better for it.

The day started out well enough again. Apple, toast, low-fat cottage cheese, and water comprised my breakfast. I planned ahead for another hotdog for lunch (cuz they were GOOOOD) and that was all I had. It was a half day for me at work because my 5-year old son "graduated" preschool that afternoon. My husband, my son, and my sick daughter (just a cold, but she didn't want to go to school so we didn't make her) picked me up and we took the Mister to class. Then we ran a couple errands - one of which being Buck-a-Burger Day at Whole Foods Market! We ended up getting 6 beef & cheddar burgers and munched on all the yummy samples that Whole Foods always has around the store. Nothing too concequential to the calorie budget. Then it started happening again. We went home and had one of those burgers. It was delicious. But that meant that my dinner should be small, to counter act, yeah? Yeah no. I had two bowls of Chocolatey Dino Bites cereal with skim milk and two glasses of orange juice. Then we had large bowls of brown rice and mixed veggies for a "midnight snack"... and I had another bowl of cereal. sigh.

So I guess I start over AGAIN today. I've had an alright breakfast... and today lends itself less to crazy eating as it is pretty busy. I've worked one job this morning already, and am currently at the other. After here I'll dash home, get myself and the girl child ready, and have Daddy and Brudder drop us off at her school to meet up with the rest of her Daisy troop. We're going to a day camp today! YAY! When we get back from that, The boys will pick us up and we're heading to my friend's tattoo shop: Outta Place Tattoos. Tomorrow should be mellow and hopefully low on the calorie scale!

I can do this, right?