And Again... and Again... and Again...

So here we are again. 9:45 on Sunday night. Today was a bad day for food, again. I honestly don't know what I am doing anymore. It seems like, for whatever reason (that I haven't figured out yet), I keep screwing myself over. I weigh in on Wednesday mornings, usually. I'll go in, I'll step on that scale, and I'll be elated that I've lost a pound or two! Then, to reward and celebrate myself, what do I do? Oh, I go and eat three fun-sized Snickers. Or I have a can of soda, or four pieces of oatmeal toast with whipped butter and strawberry jam... I mean, really? Yes. Let's work REALLY hard for a few days, have some great results, and then totally smash it into the ground. What the hell is going on??? This is so frustrating. It's not like I don't WANT to lose weight. I've been jumping lifestyle labels lately, too. I was considering going back to my ovo-lacto vegetarianism. Then I proclaimed my jump to pescetarianism. Then I thought about being just a plain old carnivore. That last one really turned me off, though. I'm totally grossed out by most red meat and pork, lately. It's hard to figure out how to exist, sometimes. I mean; you read so much online, you read so much in books, you hear so many things rumor... I really want to try to live by listening to my body. But obviously, my body is a bit confused at times. I've fallen and I can't seem to get up. I'm trying to pick myself back up, but damn if it isn't a battle all in it's own. I struggle with wanting the weight to jump off at the speed of light, but it doesn't happen like that. It's a long, arduous war filled with many, many smaller battles. On a positive note to pick up this melancholy post: Last week I DID make it to all three of my morning classes at the gym, which hasn't happened since the Biggest Loser competition at my work the end of last year. I plan to repeat that performance for this last week of April, then pick it up a bit in May, adding three lifting days and a little more cardio. I'll just keep trying again... and again... and again...

Soda, and Chocolate, and Pasta... OH MY!

Greetings and Salutations!
So it has been one month and two days since my last post. I guess there hasn't really been much going on. I've been in a constant state of flux for March. I was down three pounds, then up two, then down those two... yeah, it's been great. *end sarcasm* I go between being completely discouraged and frustrated, to a well-adjusted at-least-I'm-still-working-at-it attitude.

It was awesome last week... at first. I was really in it. I had been chatting with my virtual gym buddy and friend Nicole over at A Hearty Dose, and what I was saying to her was ringing a huge bell in me. So last Sunday I made myself a promise that I would go to Zumba on Monday morning, and Spin on both Wednesday and Friday mornings. And I did, and it felt AWESOME - until Wednesday night. I was sitting at my desk, finishing up my workload so I could get home, and all of the sudden I felt like a semi had run me over. Joints started aching, I started having chills, and my throat swelled so bad that I could barely swallow or speak. I went home that night and pretty much existed in a sickness-induced stupor for the next four days. On top of that, my left leg - from knee to ankle - was having some serious pain. Then Monday, I started having the worst sinus pain/pressure that I've ever exeperienced. blah. Any road, the leg is probably my first case of shin splints, and the sickness is just a viral yuk. Mixed with my asthma and allergies, it's a fantastic soup of lathargy and fatigue. It's also extra tough for me because when I'm sick, all I want to do is eat everything in sight! I know a lot of people lose their appetites when ill, but I'm just the opposite. So there has been more soda, and chocolate, and pasta in my life lately. :(

As far as the shin splints go, I'm thinking I need better footwear. Well, maybe not "better", but more appropriate? I need a pair of spin shoes, and I need a pair of shoes more appropriate for the impact I experience with Zumba (which is HELLA fun, btw). Why do those two kinds of footwear have to be so expensive??? blech. It'll happen.

So I have a plan for now. I'm still sick, and my face still feels like the Fraggle Rock Doozer Mallet Festival is in my sinus cavities, but I'm going to do something until I'm back at 100% capacity. I've got 6 Daily Workout apps on my iPhone. Butt, Ab, Leg, Arm, Cardio, and Yoga. Each has an option for a 5 minute, 7.5 minute, or 10 minute workout. My plan is to do 3 different workouts for 5 minutes 3 days a week - as this "yuk" will stick with my asthmatic self for another week or two at least. Gotta keep moving, right? Burn those calories somehow. I'll do that, and try to increase my steps around the office until I'm well. And, depending on weather and allergen index, I plan to take the family on a couple walks around the local park this weekend.

This too, shall pass...

The Force is Weak with This One

Yes. That is correct. I am my own weakest link. You would think (possibly) that being armed with this knowledge (maybe) would make it easier for me to make the necessary changes, correct? That it would be easier for me to make the correct choices, to do the things I should do instead of the things I really want to do... right?

Apparenlty not so right.

Last night before I went around closing up the laundry rooms for the apartment complex, I thought to myself, "Okay. the start date of Monday didn't happen exactly as you'd wanted. But let's change that tomorrow. Let's just get it going!" So I made sure my gym bag was packed with my work outfit, towels, tiny shampoo, conditioner, and face scrub, etc. I set my workout clothes on top of it so I could easily throw them on without thinking as I stumbled around in my just-woke-up-haze at 4:45 AM. I did my rounds and promptly went to bed upon my return home (which is virtually unheard of for me. I get back from my rounds, as I call them, around 10:15/10:30 PM and then hang out for an hour to hours). I was really tired as I had only slept 2 hours the night before, so I think I was asleep long before my head even hit the pillow.

I did wake up at 4:45 AM... and then again at 5:58 AM! Yes, I had slept through my alarm. sigh So there was another morning workout not begun. Instead of doing what I should have done - like doing three or four of the 5 minute workouts I have on my cell phone, I took a long shower, and had three cookies for breakfast. double sigh Then, as if I needed icing on this terrible cake of a morning, I drove to work. DROVE. For 1 block, I drove. WHAT?! The weather wasn't even in a way that I would need to drive. ugh.

Okay, okay, I hear you. I'm picking myself up. I am dusting myself off. I will make sure that second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, afternoon tea, supper, and dinner are all the well-rounded, good meals they should be. And even though my mind is screaming for a soda, I will resist.

IthinkIcan...IthinkIcan...IthinkIcan...IknowIcan...IknowIcan...

I KNOW I CAN!

Where Does it all Go?

The time, that is. Or the motivation, the drive, the get up and go... I've lost it and can't seem to figure out where the jerk has run off to.

Forgive me, readers, for I have lapsed. It has been almost three months since my last entry. Not too much exciting has happened in the interum. I've kind of been floating in this... limbo-like state. I haven't been working out like I used to, if at all. I haven't been eating like I used to. It's like I've come up to that damned wall. AGAIN! What am I afraid of? Why can't I just hop this wall like I've hopped the other, apparently smaller, walls? GAH! In the last month (January 24 to today) I have gained five pounds.

Okay. Not SO bad. I can deal with that. I can start anew.

Can't I? Sometimes my brain sure doesn't think so. Even so, I have devised a NEW long-term goal. A NEW short-term goal. And I have started to take the baby steps towards it. If I'm not back in full swing by my birthday (March 5th), then I might have to ask y'all to search me out and KICK. MY. ARSE!!!

Completion!

Hey howdy all you fine people out there in Cyberland!

Last Wednesday was the final weigh-in for the "Biggest Loser" competition that my work was having. I was pleased with my results, though I don't know if they were high enough to really be in the running for any of the prizes. I totaled up at 23 pounds lost in 12 weeks, a 9% loss of body fat. I'm very proud of this. I feel so much better, and people are noticing - which adds to my better feeling.

There is going to be a reveal lunch this Thursday where the winners of the 3rd, 2nd, and 1st place prizes are announced.

Now, would I be pleased as punch if I managed one of the placed prizes? Of course! However, I've already won the prize of better health and the determination to keep up until I reach my ultimate goal.

That's all I have for now. I'll drop a post after the reveal lunch happens.

HOORAY FOR HEALTH! ;)

Is There Ever a True Beginning or End?

Wow. It has been almost seven months since last I posted. geez. Time sure does manage to escape your perception, doesn't it? Well, interesting developments have occured in the time since last we spoke. Here, take my hand and walk with me...

April 30th I said I was "beginning again" (and with the Hubster) - for the umpteenth time. Yeah, I kind of didn't, and he hasn't yet either. It was the same dark and discouraging tunnel. But wait, what is that? YES! It is a light... a shimmering pinprick of light at the end of this very, Very, VERY long tunnel. In August 2011, the company I work for announced that they would be doing a "Biggest Loser" type competition. I signed up the INSTANT I saw the poster. Yes! THIS was what I had been waiting for. THIS was what I had been saying I needed since forever. I always told people, "If only I could afford gym dues, I could kick this health thing in the BUTT!" Well, my wishes were answered. The contest showed up. 3 months paid by the company at the gym with wiegh-ins, classes, support, etc. SWEET!

So today was the second to last weigh-in for this glorious competition. I can pretty much garauntee that I won't be one of the "winners" in the sense of the prizes of more months gym time paid or gift cards. I AM, however, a winner in the sense of health. Since the start on September 12th, I have lost 21 pounds!!!! :D Ten more and I will surpass the most weight I've ever lost since 2007. 85 more and I will be at my goal weight and able to start the maintaining process.

I'M DOING IT!

I will tell you one thing, though: Keeping the motivation is still difficult. What?! you say? Yes, even with great results I still have an internal struggle every night before going to the gym. Especially now that the cooler temperatures have rolled in. One would think that seeing the numbers drop on the scale each week would keep that proverbial fire under me arse. It doesn't, and I wish I could figure out why. I mean, every time I go to the gym, when I'm done I feel like a million bucks. I'm tired but energiezed, I'm drenched with the sweat of a workout well done, and I swear I can feel my muscles getting stronger with each step. And still...

...and still I have to convince myself to even go. I fear this will be a life long war that I wage smaller battles for.

So is there ever a true beginning or end to something like this? I don't think so. Human nature - at least in this regard when applied to me - is ciclical. I will constantly have to push, prod, yell at, scream at, battle with myself to do that which I know is right. That which I know if I just stop being a whiner and go do, I'll be much happier for.

this is the quest that never ends. it just goes on and on my friends. i think i started doing it not knowing that it was. but i'll continue doing it forever just because...

And So It Begins... Again

Hello, and welcome back to "How to Lose a Person!" On today's show we will be discussing the beginnings of the journey for the third... no, wait... fourth! Wait, no, that's not right either... aw hell, we're just going to be talking about the newest incarnation of The Journey.

Yup, that's right folks. Today is April 30th, 2011 and, starting with a new week and a new month, tomorrow it shall begin again. This time, I will have an accomplice. That's right, the Hubby is jumping on this Wild Ride with me.
Beginning tomorrow, our dinners (ours meaning mine and his, not the kids) will be some form of grilled chicken, quinoa (keen-wa) or brown rice, and a dark veg. That'll go for the next two weeks. We're hoping that'll be a bit of a kick-start, then we'll move into more well-rounded, portion-controlled meals for all.

I am very excited, too, for the Whole Foods Market that is going up literally 2 blocks down the street from our apartment. :D

I try not to whine, but you know what? It is really effin hard to lose a person! I have been riding this crazy roller coaster for almost four years now. I've had peaks, and I've had valleys. Right now I'm livin on a plane... that is, a plateau. It stinks here. :( I always ask myself, "Why is this so effin hard?!" I feel like it shouldn't be. It should just be second nature. It WAS second nature for a while...

I talked to my hubs about it the other day. He thinks I'm still suffering mental effects from my mother's passing. When she passed, my world stopped. Nothing was important, nothing mattered. It was a dark place. I slowly began to realize that it matters to my kids. It matters to my husband. It has begun to matter to me again. No offense to my super-fantastic-spectacular late mamma, but I'm not goin out like that! I'm going to be here for a long ass time, and in order to do that, I gotta get this temple healthy!

SO, friends, the journey has begun again. The lights on the path are a little brighter this time, the mountains are starting to look a little more like mole hills... it feels good. It feels right. It feels doable.

I also want to thank my peeps for inspiring me and supporting me. And, for listening to me whine and talk about it all. the. time. I less than three you.

And, to keep me honest and give me some accountability, I am going to tell you my current "itinerary":

By November 18, 2011 - 60 lbs gone
By May 1, 2012 - another 50 lbs gone

Those are the goals. After that, it will be about maintaining, which should be easy peasy lemon squeezy by the time I get there.

So tune in next week: Same bat time. Same bat channel.

PEAS!