And Again... and Again... and Again...

So here we are again. 9:45 on Sunday night. Today was a bad day for food, again. I honestly don't know what I am doing anymore. It seems like, for whatever reason (that I haven't figured out yet), I keep screwing myself over. I weigh in on Wednesday mornings, usually. I'll go in, I'll step on that scale, and I'll be elated that I've lost a pound or two! Then, to reward and celebrate myself, what do I do? Oh, I go and eat three fun-sized Snickers. Or I have a can of soda, or four pieces of oatmeal toast with whipped butter and strawberry jam... I mean, really? Yes. Let's work REALLY hard for a few days, have some great results, and then totally smash it into the ground. What the hell is going on??? This is so frustrating. It's not like I don't WANT to lose weight. I've been jumping lifestyle labels lately, too. I was considering going back to my ovo-lacto vegetarianism. Then I proclaimed my jump to pescetarianism. Then I thought about being just a plain old carnivore. That last one really turned me off, though. I'm totally grossed out by most red meat and pork, lately. It's hard to figure out how to exist, sometimes. I mean; you read so much online, you read so much in books, you hear so many things rumor... I really want to try to live by listening to my body. But obviously, my body is a bit confused at times. I've fallen and I can't seem to get up. I'm trying to pick myself back up, but damn if it isn't a battle all in it's own. I struggle with wanting the weight to jump off at the speed of light, but it doesn't happen like that. It's a long, arduous war filled with many, many smaller battles. On a positive note to pick up this melancholy post: Last week I DID make it to all three of my morning classes at the gym, which hasn't happened since the Biggest Loser competition at my work the end of last year. I plan to repeat that performance for this last week of April, then pick it up a bit in May, adding three lifting days and a little more cardio. I'll just keep trying again... and again... and again...