The Force is Weak with This One

Yes. That is correct. I am my own weakest link. You would think (possibly) that being armed with this knowledge (maybe) would make it easier for me to make the necessary changes, correct? That it would be easier for me to make the correct choices, to do the things I should do instead of the things I really want to do... right?

Apparenlty not so right.

Last night before I went around closing up the laundry rooms for the apartment complex, I thought to myself, "Okay. the start date of Monday didn't happen exactly as you'd wanted. But let's change that tomorrow. Let's just get it going!" So I made sure my gym bag was packed with my work outfit, towels, tiny shampoo, conditioner, and face scrub, etc. I set my workout clothes on top of it so I could easily throw them on without thinking as I stumbled around in my just-woke-up-haze at 4:45 AM. I did my rounds and promptly went to bed upon my return home (which is virtually unheard of for me. I get back from my rounds, as I call them, around 10:15/10:30 PM and then hang out for an hour to hours). I was really tired as I had only slept 2 hours the night before, so I think I was asleep long before my head even hit the pillow.

I did wake up at 4:45 AM... and then again at 5:58 AM! Yes, I had slept through my alarm. sigh So there was another morning workout not begun. Instead of doing what I should have done - like doing three or four of the 5 minute workouts I have on my cell phone, I took a long shower, and had three cookies for breakfast. double sigh Then, as if I needed icing on this terrible cake of a morning, I drove to work. DROVE. For 1 block, I drove. WHAT?! The weather wasn't even in a way that I would need to drive. ugh.

Okay, okay, I hear you. I'm picking myself up. I am dusting myself off. I will make sure that second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, afternoon tea, supper, and dinner are all the well-rounded, good meals they should be. And even though my mind is screaming for a soda, I will resist.

IthinkIcan...IthinkIcan...IthinkIcan...IknowIcan...IknowIcan...

I KNOW I CAN!

Where Does it all Go?

The time, that is. Or the motivation, the drive, the get up and go... I've lost it and can't seem to figure out where the jerk has run off to.

Forgive me, readers, for I have lapsed. It has been almost three months since my last entry. Not too much exciting has happened in the interum. I've kind of been floating in this... limbo-like state. I haven't been working out like I used to, if at all. I haven't been eating like I used to. It's like I've come up to that damned wall. AGAIN! What am I afraid of? Why can't I just hop this wall like I've hopped the other, apparently smaller, walls? GAH! In the last month (January 24 to today) I have gained five pounds.

Okay. Not SO bad. I can deal with that. I can start anew.

Can't I? Sometimes my brain sure doesn't think so. Even so, I have devised a NEW long-term goal. A NEW short-term goal. And I have started to take the baby steps towards it. If I'm not back in full swing by my birthday (March 5th), then I might have to ask y'all to search me out and KICK. MY. ARSE!!!

Completion!

Hey howdy all you fine people out there in Cyberland!

Last Wednesday was the final weigh-in for the "Biggest Loser" competition that my work was having. I was pleased with my results, though I don't know if they were high enough to really be in the running for any of the prizes. I totaled up at 23 pounds lost in 12 weeks, a 9% loss of body fat. I'm very proud of this. I feel so much better, and people are noticing - which adds to my better feeling.

There is going to be a reveal lunch this Thursday where the winners of the 3rd, 2nd, and 1st place prizes are announced.

Now, would I be pleased as punch if I managed one of the placed prizes? Of course! However, I've already won the prize of better health and the determination to keep up until I reach my ultimate goal.

That's all I have for now. I'll drop a post after the reveal lunch happens.

HOORAY FOR HEALTH! ;)

Is There Ever a True Beginning or End?

Wow. It has been almost seven months since last I posted. geez. Time sure does manage to escape your perception, doesn't it? Well, interesting developments have occured in the time since last we spoke. Here, take my hand and walk with me...

April 30th I said I was "beginning again" (and with the Hubster) - for the umpteenth time. Yeah, I kind of didn't, and he hasn't yet either. It was the same dark and discouraging tunnel. But wait, what is that? YES! It is a light... a shimmering pinprick of light at the end of this very, Very, VERY long tunnel. In August 2011, the company I work for announced that they would be doing a "Biggest Loser" type competition. I signed up the INSTANT I saw the poster. Yes! THIS was what I had been waiting for. THIS was what I had been saying I needed since forever. I always told people, "If only I could afford gym dues, I could kick this health thing in the BUTT!" Well, my wishes were answered. The contest showed up. 3 months paid by the company at the gym with wiegh-ins, classes, support, etc. SWEET!

So today was the second to last weigh-in for this glorious competition. I can pretty much garauntee that I won't be one of the "winners" in the sense of the prizes of more months gym time paid or gift cards. I AM, however, a winner in the sense of health. Since the start on September 12th, I have lost 21 pounds!!!! :D Ten more and I will surpass the most weight I've ever lost since 2007. 85 more and I will be at my goal weight and able to start the maintaining process.

I'M DOING IT!

I will tell you one thing, though: Keeping the motivation is still difficult. What?! you say? Yes, even with great results I still have an internal struggle every night before going to the gym. Especially now that the cooler temperatures have rolled in. One would think that seeing the numbers drop on the scale each week would keep that proverbial fire under me arse. It doesn't, and I wish I could figure out why. I mean, every time I go to the gym, when I'm done I feel like a million bucks. I'm tired but energiezed, I'm drenched with the sweat of a workout well done, and I swear I can feel my muscles getting stronger with each step. And still...

...and still I have to convince myself to even go. I fear this will be a life long war that I wage smaller battles for.

So is there ever a true beginning or end to something like this? I don't think so. Human nature - at least in this regard when applied to me - is ciclical. I will constantly have to push, prod, yell at, scream at, battle with myself to do that which I know is right. That which I know if I just stop being a whiner and go do, I'll be much happier for.

this is the quest that never ends. it just goes on and on my friends. i think i started doing it not knowing that it was. but i'll continue doing it forever just because...

And So It Begins... Again

Hello, and welcome back to "How to Lose a Person!" On today's show we will be discussing the beginnings of the journey for the third... no, wait... fourth! Wait, no, that's not right either... aw hell, we're just going to be talking about the newest incarnation of The Journey.

Yup, that's right folks. Today is April 30th, 2011 and, starting with a new week and a new month, tomorrow it shall begin again. This time, I will have an accomplice. That's right, the Hubby is jumping on this Wild Ride with me.
Beginning tomorrow, our dinners (ours meaning mine and his, not the kids) will be some form of grilled chicken, quinoa (keen-wa) or brown rice, and a dark veg. That'll go for the next two weeks. We're hoping that'll be a bit of a kick-start, then we'll move into more well-rounded, portion-controlled meals for all.

I am very excited, too, for the Whole Foods Market that is going up literally 2 blocks down the street from our apartment. :D

I try not to whine, but you know what? It is really effin hard to lose a person! I have been riding this crazy roller coaster for almost four years now. I've had peaks, and I've had valleys. Right now I'm livin on a plane... that is, a plateau. It stinks here. :( I always ask myself, "Why is this so effin hard?!" I feel like it shouldn't be. It should just be second nature. It WAS second nature for a while...

I talked to my hubs about it the other day. He thinks I'm still suffering mental effects from my mother's passing. When she passed, my world stopped. Nothing was important, nothing mattered. It was a dark place. I slowly began to realize that it matters to my kids. It matters to my husband. It has begun to matter to me again. No offense to my super-fantastic-spectacular late mamma, but I'm not goin out like that! I'm going to be here for a long ass time, and in order to do that, I gotta get this temple healthy!

SO, friends, the journey has begun again. The lights on the path are a little brighter this time, the mountains are starting to look a little more like mole hills... it feels good. It feels right. It feels doable.

I also want to thank my peeps for inspiring me and supporting me. And, for listening to me whine and talk about it all. the. time. I less than three you.

And, to keep me honest and give me some accountability, I am going to tell you my current "itinerary":

By November 18, 2011 - 60 lbs gone
By May 1, 2012 - another 50 lbs gone

Those are the goals. After that, it will be about maintaining, which should be easy peasy lemon squeezy by the time I get there.

So tune in next week: Same bat time. Same bat channel.

PEAS!

Cough, Cough, Wheeeeeeeeeeeze!

Yeah... so I am having a bit of a... a... not a crisis, but whatever you want to call it, it is frustrating the hell out of me! As we know, I am attempting to lose about 100 pounds, hopefully by Halloween 2011. So far, the only thing I am able to do is adjust my eating, and that isn't going to get me very far for long. Why is it just the food, you ask? Well, I am going to tell you, even if you really didn't ask.

Asthma.

Damned, frustrating, irritating, haha-you-THOUGHT-you-would-work-out-but-I-have-other-ideas ASTHMA!
{back story time} When I was age 4, I believe, I was diagnosed with asthma. Woohoo, I didn't care then. Yes, I had to have a couple nebulizer treatments a day, but oh well. Then, it disappeared. It never flared up unless I was breathing straight dust {which I didn't do often, so...}

Then last year I was "lucky" enough to come down with the dreaded H1N1. It is now almost exactly a year later, and I am STILL suffering complications from it, one of which being this ridiculous asthma flare-up.* Friday evening, I speed-walked {is that proper verbage?} home - which, mind you, is literally only about half a block - and I proceeded to have a minor asthma attack that lasted for about 30 minutes. It ended with me in a foggy bathroom, breathing in the humidity. This led me to the knowledge that I am unable to exercise.

What does this mean for my goal? The loss from eating better is only going to last so long, as I mentioned, so what happens then?

{in the best comic book narrator voice} Is this the end of the Fantabulous B? Will she EVER meet her goal? Or will she be forced by her imperfect lungs to hover in the limbo of overweightness?

Stay tuned for our next episode...

Success {However Small} is So Sweet!

WOOHOO! Yes, since my innagural post, I have manged to lose 2 pounds. :D Now, the BIGGEST question is: Can I maintain, but preferably keep losing, over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend? With my mother-in-law at the stove, that will prove to be a challenge indeed. However, I feel I am up to it!

I have been at work for almost four hours now, and that whole time there has been a Diet Dr. Pepper shining at me. I haven't even opened it. Aside from the wheezing and coughing from my exaserbated asthma, I feel GREAT! So far, my food intake has been pretty good, too:
1 Gala apple
2 pcs Whole Wheat Toast w/ Spray Butter
12 grape tomatoes with a tiny bit of salt & pepper
1 serv. Cheez-It crackers
1/2 serv. Rold Gold Classic Style Tiny Twists
about 2 8oz. glasses water

Me thinks the leaves, they are a turning!