Is There Ever a True Beginning or End?

Wow. It has been almost seven months since last I posted. geez. Time sure does manage to escape your perception, doesn't it? Well, interesting developments have occured in the time since last we spoke. Here, take my hand and walk with me...

April 30th I said I was "beginning again" (and with the Hubster) - for the umpteenth time. Yeah, I kind of didn't, and he hasn't yet either. It was the same dark and discouraging tunnel. But wait, what is that? YES! It is a light... a shimmering pinprick of light at the end of this very, Very, VERY long tunnel. In August 2011, the company I work for announced that they would be doing a "Biggest Loser" type competition. I signed up the INSTANT I saw the poster. Yes! THIS was what I had been waiting for. THIS was what I had been saying I needed since forever. I always told people, "If only I could afford gym dues, I could kick this health thing in the BUTT!" Well, my wishes were answered. The contest showed up. 3 months paid by the company at the gym with wiegh-ins, classes, support, etc. SWEET!

So today was the second to last weigh-in for this glorious competition. I can pretty much garauntee that I won't be one of the "winners" in the sense of the prizes of more months gym time paid or gift cards. I AM, however, a winner in the sense of health. Since the start on September 12th, I have lost 21 pounds!!!! :D Ten more and I will surpass the most weight I've ever lost since 2007. 85 more and I will be at my goal weight and able to start the maintaining process.

I'M DOING IT!

I will tell you one thing, though: Keeping the motivation is still difficult. What?! you say? Yes, even with great results I still have an internal struggle every night before going to the gym. Especially now that the cooler temperatures have rolled in. One would think that seeing the numbers drop on the scale each week would keep that proverbial fire under me arse. It doesn't, and I wish I could figure out why. I mean, every time I go to the gym, when I'm done I feel like a million bucks. I'm tired but energiezed, I'm drenched with the sweat of a workout well done, and I swear I can feel my muscles getting stronger with each step. And still...

...and still I have to convince myself to even go. I fear this will be a life long war that I wage smaller battles for.

So is there ever a true beginning or end to something like this? I don't think so. Human nature - at least in this regard when applied to me - is ciclical. I will constantly have to push, prod, yell at, scream at, battle with myself to do that which I know is right. That which I know if I just stop being a whiner and go do, I'll be much happier for.

this is the quest that never ends. it just goes on and on my friends. i think i started doing it not knowing that it was. but i'll continue doing it forever just because...